


Be my second chance

by RyanMiracles420



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol, Alcoholism, Amputation, Anal, Anorexia, Beating, Blowjobs, Bondage, Bukkake, Bullying, Cheating, Cutting, Cyber Bullying, Death, Decapitation, Depression, Drowning, Drugs, Eating Disorders, Emotional Abuse, F/F, F/M, Gangs, Gen, Heartbreak, Homestuck - Freeform, Hospitalization, Humanstuck, Incest, Insanity, Kidnapping, Low Self-Esteem, M/M, Mental Abuse, Mental Disorders, Multi, Murder, Mutilation, Oral Sex, Other, Physical Abuse, Public Sex, Rape, Religion, Satanism, Self Harm, Sexual Abuse, Smut, Spanking, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Torture, Trans Characters, Victim Blaming, alot of kinks, bipolar, bulima, domestic abuse, dub-con, gangrape, grill cheese, handjobs, non-con, orgys, triggering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2014-06-20
Packaged: 2018-02-05 12:47:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1819036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyanMiracles420/pseuds/RyanMiracles420
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I tried to give up, but you wouldn't let me. Now i'm suffering in a world that didn't want me here in the first place, filled with people who don't give a shit about my existence. I have no purpose, but for some reason you see something in me that I can't see.<br/>I like that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be my second chance

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fanfic based off the comic made by the lovely http://mariegato.tumblr.com ! go check them out!  
> The first comic: http://mariegato.tumblr.com/post/73068175307/based-in-a-beautiful-fic-im-reading-3-dont-give
> 
> Second: http://mariegato.tumblr.com/post/74259555707/sorry-i-did-shoujo-but-omitted-the-flowers
> 
> Third: http://mariegato.tumblr.com/post/76604892823/shoujo-is-my-headcanon-ha-based-in-this-fic-a

===> be the suidial kid 

I just want someone to care.  
Thats all I ever wanted. For the years of neglection, the self hatred, the pain, the abuse.. That was the only time I felt someone cared. Why would someone beating me mean they care? because they looked forward to seeing me, so they can hurt me, so they can... touch me.. It was the only strip of care I ever felt in my long worthless sixteen years of living.  
I stood there on the edge of a tall building, holding onto old rusty railings, breathing in the polluted air. The only good thing about living in a crowded city is, no one notices you, no one cares about what you're going to eat for breakfast or what you dreamt of last night.

No one would care if I jumped, because they have places to be, people to see, lives to live. The difference between me and the ordinary city person, is I wonder absolutely everything about everyone. What did they have for breakfast? what did they dream of last night? do they have a family? what if their smile is just a mask to hide how destroyed they are inside?what if they hate their job. They hate their below average pay. They hate how they look, how they laugh, how they smile.  
Its always what ifs with me, because I can never pinpoint what is going to happen.  
And I definitely didn't know what was going to happen next.  
I breathe in again, tears streaming down my pale skin. I am ready, I say in my head. I closed my eyes, moving my foot up a bit, my grip loosening on the bar. Just let go, just end the suffering, it will end so quick. People told me this everyday. Everyone wanted me to die, they always said to just get it over with, because no one will miss me.

My name is Karkat Vantas, and I'm going to be free.

===> Be the homeless clown dude

I smiled lazily, walking up the stairs of the tall building that I call home. I spray paint for a living, creating miraculous works of art, scattering each blank wall with a new vivid colors, expressing myself. I lived on the roof of this building, and I've seen some pretty fucked up shit happen on the roof, but I wasn't sure what I fucking expected. Just another day painting shit and trying to survive. I moved my black mangled hair out of my face, tieing it back into a pony tail. I panted slightly, my poor health making it hard to do tasks too fast, like walking up thirty flights of fucking stairs. I opened the door and tossed my bag to the side, looking up.  
I saw a short boy standing at the edge of the building. My eyes widened, taking a moment to register what the motherfuck he was doing, before it clicked. I ran up behind him and laced my arms under his, yanking him back

===> Be the suicidal kid again--i mean, er, Karkat.

Yeah. Thanks, asshole. 

I shout in surprise "What!? Let me go!" and I fell on my side when he dropped me. He was sitting there, I guess I pushed him in my state of shock. 

"Motherfuck bro, don't do it" He said, am I dreaming? I found his voice to be comforting, it was kind of scratchy, as if he has been smoking since he was a god damn fetus, but it was soothing. I blinked, rubbing my puffy red eyes. We both sat up and he stared at me with his half lidded blue eyes, and I stared back at him. He reached at me and gently grabbed my shoulders, and I snarl and bat his hands away 

"Don't touch me, fuckass!" I scowled, and he frowned, standing up as I did. He paused, as if trying to figure me out.

"But brother," he began. God this fuck-head wouldn't stop calling me 'brother', would he? "You can't take your life! every single human being is a miracle!" he said rubbing the back of his head. 

I immidiately turn around, screaming "I'M NOT A FUCKING MIRACLE!" and he put his hands up, as if I was threatening him. "I'm defective!" I said, choking up. " I am no one!" tears started to form in my eyes "but fucking piece of shit," I said, tears falling down my face again. "Now go!" I shouted and turned, rubbing my eyes with the sleeves of my large sweater.  
===> Be the clown again

I have a name, motherfucker. 

Its Gamzee Makara.

I frowned at his dismissal, but noticed he was breaking down. I try to smile a bit to lighten the mood, even though he wasn't looking at me. 

"Come on bro! don't be so hard on yourself!" I protest and walk up next to him, and I was surprised when he turned and nuzzled into my chest, sobbing. I closed my eyes and smiled, holding him close, nuzzling his head with my cheek. "You seem like a good motherfucking person," I add as I felt him still tense and shaking in my arms. He started to tremble and his legs gave out, starting to slide down. I continued to hold him, crouching down so I can still hold him close to my chest. I patted his head, humming. "There there, little bro. Everything is motherfucking okay," I mutter. 

===> be Karkat

I slid down and the man continued to hold me, and I sobbed into his chest. I don't know what I was feeling, was it thankful? was it regret?

Thankful for not dying, but regretful because I didn't get it over with?

"There there, little bro. Everything is motherfucking okay."

My eyes open fast and I push him away, lightly. 

"S-stop calling me that.." I mumble and glance up at him, seeing his stupid shit-eating grin. I turn and walk back to the railing.

"Hey!" he shouts and I hear him starting to get up. I lean down and pick up my messenger bag that I had thrown on the floor before the man got here. I stare at the edge of the railing, and now that i'm calm, it terrified me to think I was actually going to be going off of that. I turned and walked past him, starting to walk downstairs. I turned and saw the man was following me 

"What the fuck are you doing? Don't follow me!" I snapped at him.  
===> Be Gamzee 

I followed after the short boy, smiling as I walked down the stairs behind him. He turned and snapped at me. I stopped and stared at him.

"I don't know if you noticed, but. You tried to jump off a motherfuckin' building! and then cried in my arms for like five motherfuckin' minutes" I said smiling lazily. He groaned at me and turned, walking down the hallways. I stood there, still smiling like I always do. "I'm not going to let you do that again, bro." I said. He turned around and grit his teeth at me, clenching his fists.

"And who the fuck do you think you are!? you can't tell me what to do with my life!" he shouts at me and I only smile, tilting my head a bit as I watched him turn and run. He stopped at a door, which I noticed was the room '69'. I turned and started walking away, and when I glanced back I saw him fumbling with his keys, looking at me nervously. I smiled, waving goodbye before I turned the corner and started walking back upstairs. I didn't know how this day would turn out. Everyday had surprises for me. Today, I met a boy, he was short and angry, but he was sad inside. I saw it in his eyes how much pain he felt. Even though I'm not the motherfuckin' sharpest tool in the shed, but I can tell this motherfucker was really going to go through with endin' his life. I smiled and hummed, walking on the roof and layed down on some flat card board boxes, and there was a blanket, and a barrel where I lit fires to keep warm. The blanket was from some dumpster that I found, it had weird stains on it, and it smelt like some funky hippies had an orgy on it, but I didn't mind. I wrapped the blanket around me and stood up, throwing some branches in the barrel and some papers that flew on the roof. I took a lighter out, setting the papers and sticks on fire. Soon the barrel was filled with flames, the soft crackling of the wood filling the air as the materials deteriorated. I layed down again, closing my eyes. It was getting dark now, so might as well get some sleep. Hopefully I see that boy again.  
I like him.  
===> Be Karkat

I walked inside of the apartment, closing the door and dragged my bag behind me. Tavros was wheeling into the kitchen and saw me, and I tried to avoid his glance. 

"Oh, uh, hey Karkat. Where were you?" he asked, noticing my tear stained face. He frowned, wheeling over to me "Karkat?" he asked and I quickly went into my room, closing the door and locking it. I didn't like dismissing Tavros, because I knew he meant well. But I was just never in the mood to talk to him. My dad was never home, always out preaching at churches and going around to different states to talk to priests. My brother Kankri was a pain in my ass, he never listened to me, always dismissing what I said. I never told him about my depression and how suicidal I was, because he would've sent me to the fucking hospital in a heart beat. Because apparently, everyone in my god damn family things they're right all the time. And that I'm the fuck up because I didn't want to be a priest, or go to feminist groups and yap about equality. I sighed, throwing my bag on my desk chair, flopping on my bed. I grabbed my ipod, running my fingers through my hair as I pulled my knees to my chest, listening to one of my favorite bands, slipknot.  
Was I really going to jump? I thought to myself, looking out the window Everything was hate. It was unbearable..  
I decided to lay down and I tugged my shirt off, even though I hated seeing my body. I was average weight, a little less, even. I glanced at my arms, how deep the cuts were. Those were the times where I found myself ready to lose it. I did lose it actually, I lost my fucking will to live. The deep cuts scattered my wrists, where I tried to cut some veins and hopefully bleed out. I never told anyone about it, because, well, it wasn't anyone's fucking business. I always wore long sleeved shirts so no one would see, because I don't want people asking me questions. I don't want pitty and I don't want sympathy. I closed my eyes, drifting asleep as my favorite song played.

I've felt the hate rise up in me...  
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...  
I wander out where you can't see...  
Inside my shell I wait and bleed...  
Goodbye!


End file.
